The Gift of Feedback: Does It Fit?
We’ve all heard the cliché: “Feedback is a gift.” But let’s be honest—sometimes it feels more like a sweater that’s two sizes too small and made of itchy wool. You’re told to be grateful for it, but you have no idea how to wear it, and frankly, it doesn’t fit your style.
As I discuss in my book, By Design, the ability to give and receive feedback is one of the most underrated skills. It is an art and a science, and when mastered, it is one of the fastest ways to raise your performance floor.
But not all feedback is created equal. To make feedback work for you, you have to know who to listen to, how to process the tough stuff, and—most importantly—how to decide if it even belongs in your career design.
Who Should You Let Speak Into Your Life?
One of the biggest mistakes we make is assuming that because feedback is a gift, we have no choice but to accept it. Determining the right person to give you feedback is about looking for alignment and observation. You should prioritize feedback from people who:
Have a front-row seat to your work: They see your performance in real-time, not just the results.
Understand your "Design": They know your goals, or at least the performance framework of your role.
Want you to win: They are invested in your growth.
Before you take a critique to heart, ask: Does this person have the context necessary to evaluate my performance objectively? If the answer is no, you can receive the information with gratitude, but you don't have to let it steer your ship.
The Art of Receiving: Listen First, Filter Later
When we receive difficult feedback, our instinct is to put up a defence. We get defensive because the feedback challenges our sense of identity or highlights a gap we’re already frustrated by.
The first step to receiving well is Active Listening. This means listening deeply without your filters or biases. Your goal in the moment isn't to agree; it's to understand.
Ask for the "Why": Seek context and nuance.
Clarify the Gap: Ask, "What would the expected change look like in practice?"
Clarify Labels: If you receive a label, ask for the data behind it.
The Art of Giving: Performance Impact
Giving difficult feedback is equally challenging. Too often, we project our own implicit expectations onto others. To be effective, your feedback must move past "critique" and into actionable insight.
Before you speak, perform a quick bias check:
Is this objective? Am I reacting to a personal preference or a performance gap?
Is it explicit? Was the expectation clearly communicated beforehand?
What is the impact? Will this feedback help the recipient improve their performance? If so, how?
If you can’t show the recipient how their current behaviour is impacting the goal—and how a change will improve their outcome—you aren't giving feedback; you're just sharing an opinion.
The Big Question: Does It Fit?
Once the feedback is on the table, it’s time for the most important part of the process: The Fit Test.
Feedback is a tool to help you execute better, become more credible, or become more skilled. But your career is your journey. You are empowered to graciously decline feedback that doesn't align with the career you are building for yourself.
Ask yourself:
Does this get me closer to my intended goals?
Does this align with my values?
Is this helping me develop tangibly?
Sometimes, recurring themes in your feedback (check your last 2-3 reviews!) signal a growth area you need to lean into. Other times, feedback may signal that it’s time to take your skills elsewhere. If your manager needs things from you that pull you away from your goals rather than towards them, that is telling you something about the environment, not your performance.
Remember: A good gift is one you can actually use. If it doesn't help you win, it’s okay to leave it in the box.
If you want to dive deeper into raising your performance floor and navigating workplace dynamics, grab a copy of my book, By Design.
Until next time, live free!!
Cheers!
Blessing
